Take a quick look at the two documents below. Both have exactly the same 150 words. Even without understanding any of the words on the page, you can immediately see that one of these documents would be much easier to read – much more inviting.

This one?

Or this one?

Now think about the look of your next email, article, or business presentation. Is it one big block of uninviting text? If it is, you’re going to scare off your readers. Instead, break it up. Use subheads. Bullet points. Numbered points. Shorter paragraphs. Do anything you can to make it look easier to read…and more people will want to read it.

I recently taught a short seminar to a group of MBA students at Georgia Tech. It was a great group (props to Ms. Becker and her class), and I really enjoyed it. These soon-to-be MBAs wanted to learn how to communicate more effectively with prospective employers through emails and cover letters. One of the things we talked about is how to get your reader’s attention with the first sentence you write.

It’s really the same thing that ad copywriters are trying to do when crafting headlines. They know that the headline is everything. It’s how you get your reader’s attention. The same is true when you’re writing a letter. Letters don’t have headlines, but they do have first sentences – and that first sentence acts as your headline to draw the reader into your letter.

Here are three examples of opening sentences in a typical cover letter – the kind you send with your resume when you’re looking for a new job. Two of these are painfully average. One is excellent. I’ll tell you why.

Letter No.1

Dear Ms. Green,
I am currently enrolled as a graduate student in the evening Executive MBA program at the Georgia Institute of Technology, and I plan to complete my studies and graduate this May.

Letter No. 2

Dear Ms. Green,
I am currently seeking an employment opportunity that will allow me to further my interests in organizational management and fulfill my professional goal of becoming a senior marketing executive in the technology sector.

Letter No. 3

Dear Ms. Green,
Bill Smith at Respected Company suggested I contact you because Widget Industries is looking for new ways to streamline its sourcing operation, and he thought you would want to know about my experience in global supply chain management.

Letter No.1 opens with the big announcement that you exist. It tells the reader that you’re here, you’re a student, and you’re planning to graduate. That’s very big news for you and your family. You should be proud of it. But chances are, your reader could care less. She has a gazillion other things on her mind, and they’re all far more important to her than the fact that you’re about to graduate from college. What she really wants to hear about is how she can meet this month’s sales targets, get a wayward technology implementation back on schedule, and squeeze more costs out of her supply chain.

Letter No. 2 opens with a long sentence about your personal interests and goals. If anything, this is worse than the first letter. Employers are not going to hire you because they feel obligated to help you achieve your life’s dream. They’re too busy looking for someone who will help them achieve their own objectives. The problem with this opening – and so many letters like it – is that it’s just too self-centered.

Instead of thinking about yourself, think about your reader. What does she really care about? How can you help her? What experience or ideas or training do you have that just might help solve the problems she’s facing? Sure, this means you’re going to have to do a little homework. You’ve got to get on the Internet and maybe even make a few phone calls to find out what’s going on in her company. Still, it’s not that hard. There’s so much information is available online that you can quickly learn what matters most to your prospective employer. Once you’ve done this, you really can write a letter that will get attention, get understood, and get a response.

Letter No. 3 is a great example for two reasons:

First, this letter makes an instant connection with the reader by mentioning the name of someone she already respects. This is the best way to get the attention of a prospective employer (or customer or client). I realize you can’t always find someone who will let you use their name in a letter like this, but often you can. When you do, it gives you immediate credibility.

Next, this opening sentence talks about your ability to solve a real business problem that the employer actually cares about. If you’re a student, you may not have a lot of work experience, but at least you can refer to an internship, a project you undertook, or a specialty you studied that would be relevant to this employer. Start the conversation by focusing on your reader’s concerns instead of your own. You’ll get their attention and give them a much better reason to keep reading your letter. You can also talk a little about their company and why the work they do is important to you. Now you’ve piqued their interest, and they’re ready hear you explain that you’re a grad student looking for employment.

The same principles apply to the opening sentences in any letter you send to a potential customer or business partner. First, make a connection through someone they trust. Then, start talking about their pain points and what you can do to solve them. Once they’ve read this, they’ll want to read more.

The funny thing about using humor in emails and other business writing is that it often doesn’t work. Worse still, a lot of times it backfires on you. That’s because your reader can’t hear the smile in your voice or see the twinkle in your eye. I should know. My wife says that even in face-to-face situations, people can’t always tell when I’m joking. This may come from my spending nine years in England, the Sahara Desert of dry humor, but it’s a warning I’ve learned to take seriously. I tell businesspeople to be especially careful about using any humor (and especially sarcasm) in emails. Better to save it for face-to-face contact.